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Characters:
NOTEY: Opera-ish high voice (posh UK accent)
NOISY: Louis Armstrong voice (Oz accent, US at times, plus throaty voice)
KNOWSY: FM radio voice (Oz accent)
NOUGHTY: Eliza Doolittle voice (Cockney accent)
HOUSEBAND and WIFI: Grandad/Granny voice (Oz accent)
NARRATOR: David Attenborough voice (UK accent)


1. Welcome (chat) info
[Perfectly Wrong whistle loop build]
WIFI: Hello there, dear listener. Thank you for joining us today. Make yourselves comfortable, maybe get yourself a cup of tea and, settle in! And, er, while you're getting ready, maybe you'd like to entertain yourself by seeing if you can figure out how many beats this loop has...hehehehehe...
There it is then, and very lovely indeed. So, dear, tell me what you've done here, then.

HOUSEBAND: Ahh, well, it's a 60 beat loop divided into 1s, 2s, 3s, 4s, 5s and 6s, whistling up the notes of a whole-tone scale.

WIFI: Oh, well, that's very geometrical, isn't it!
HOUSEBAND: I thought so...
WIFI: Why have you done that then, dear?

HOUSEBAND: Oh, it's part of the show. I'm making a loop for our host, Knowsy, to do his intro over.

WIFI: Ah, yes, Knowsy! That's Knowsy with a K.
HOUSEBAND: 'Cos he knows stuff...
WIFI: Well, perhaps you should do some of that beatboxing that you do...
HOUSEBAND: Oh yeah...
WIFI: …and make it a bit more hip!

HOUSEBAND: Oh, okay, yeah well, something like this?

[I Like Noise brushes loop]

WIFI: Yes, yes, that's lovely and all, dear, but it's a little old school.

HOUSEBAND: Like I am!

WIFI: It's not so much "hip" as "hip replacement".
HOUSEBAND: Hehehe, that's good. I like that.
WIFI: I was hoping that you might bust out some funk.

HOUSEBAND: Oh! Hold your horses, dear, I'm not sure our listeners are ready for funk.
WIFI: Oh, it's a modern world, dear. Get with the program!
HOUSEBAND: Yeah okay, well, let's start with the birdies, and, ah, let's put a bit of a straight beat over the top of that. Let's start with that, eh?

[Perfectly Wrong loop build]
WIFI: Ah yes, that's more like it. What else have you got in that face of yours? ... Oo, now we're getting funky, aren't we, kids? A bit farty, perhaps. ... Oo, with a bit of a strut to it. That's what I'm talking about!

HOUSEBAND: Oh, actually, grammar, dear... it should be, "that's about which I am talking".
WIFI: Oh?
HOUSEBAND: Well, yeah, with the preposition in the right position.
WIFI: Is that so?
HOUSEBAND: Well, even street talk can be grammatically correct, can't it?

WIFI: Hmm ...Well, is this correct, then, dear?
HOUSEBAND: Oh, oh what's that?
WIFI: Tell someone who cares!
HOUSEBAND: Oh, haha, yes, that's the imperative form!

WIFI: Oh, you'll be in peril in a minute!
HOUSEBAND: Hehe, impaled, maybe, hehe.
WIFI: Hehe, Knowsy's waiting, dear.
HOUSEBAND: Oh, he's ready!
WIFI: Let's get this show started properly.
HOUSEBAND: Yes, er, here we go!


2. Knowsy info
HOUSEBAND: And now, for all you good folks listening in, it gives us great pleasure to welcome our host,

WIFI: The scholarlily k-nowledgeable K-nowsy!

KNOWSY:
Well, g'day, my name is Knowsy, that's Knowsy with a "K"
'Cos I love knowing stuff and learning things, it's what I do all day
People come to me with doubts on subjects I know nowt about
But we together read, research and reason, 'til we nut it out

Now, today we have two folks with rather different views on sound
Please welcome Notey
NOTEY: Hello!
KNOWSY: Welcome Noisy
NOISY: Hi there!
KNOWSY: Many thanks for popping round
So, to start, could each of you perform, informing us, in song
Of all your sonic love and longing and then why you've come along?

NOTEY: Shall I go first?
NOISY: Yeah, sure, go for it!
NOTEY: Lovely!


3. I Like Notes - I Like Noise info
NOTEY:
I like notes, pure and clear
That's the sound that I long to hear
Perfect tones, if you please
Simply singular frequencies
Make mine sine waves every time
Jauntily mellifluous or
Hauntingly rising or sustaining
It floats my boat
A fine and well-defined note
Much like...
A clarinet or flute
A lonely fog horn toot
A warbling bird at dawn
Or like my Grandad's yawn
Cat's meow, dog's howl or hooting owl (oo oo)
Wine glass rims sing sweetly too
Cows moo and pigeons coo
Just to name a few

But the sound I've sought since infancy
Is the perfect note that's just one frequency
Could it ever be?

KNOWSY: Ahh, the perfect pure note, eh... So, tell me, Noisy, what's your taste in music?
NOISY: Well, I'm a little bit different to Notey... here, let me tell you about it...

Well, I like noise, don't you know
That complex sounds are the way to go
Bring the noise, if you please
Make mine multiple frequencies
Give me rich diversity
Fizzing, roaring
Sizzling, snoring
Rattling and shaking
Bumps and grinding
Oh joy of joys
Nothing beats a good noise
Such as...
A whisper, gasp or sigh
A hissing snake slides by
Bikes on a gravel track
To munch my favourite snack
Trains and fireworks, leaping in the lake (krft krfff)
Wind and rain, waves on the shore
And waterfalls galore
That's what I adore

But the sound I've sought since infancy
Is the perfect noise that's every frequency
Could it ever be?

KNOWSY: Right, the perfect pure noise, eh!
NOISY: Well, do you think it could ever be?


4. Knotes Annoys (chat)
NOTEY: Oh, Noisy, you act like all noises are good… how about [does a hawk/throat clear]? That's a noise that annoys me.
NOISY: Well, you act like all notes are good, how about "neh neh ni neh neh''? Those notes get my goat.
NOTEY: Well, how about [load/gunshot]? That noise isn't so nice.
NOISY: Hmmm, ok, how about "dit dit dit dit dit deeeeeeeeee…"? That note's not so nice neither, huh?
NOTEY: Well, how about [raspberry]?
NOISY: Ok, how about, "Derrr"?
NOTEY: Well, how about...?
KNOWSY: Oh, wait wait wait, both of you, can you just shhh for a moment?
NOISY: Oh, okay, shhhhhhh...
NOTEY: Oh!
NOISY: Yeah, that's a good noise.
KNOWSY: No, I mean, can you just tone it down a little bit?"
NOTEY: Oh, tone it down? Do you mean like [sings a sombre note]?
NOISY: Ah dear!
NOTEY: Something like that?
KNOWSY: Nah nah, what I mean is, can you both just be quiet for a moment?
.NOTEY: Oh, I see, I do beg your pardon...
NOISY: Oh, sorry
NOTEY: ...I'll stop talking now.


5. Perfectly Wrong info
KNOWSY: Well, you're each trying to find the perfect note and the perfect noise, which is fine in theory, but the real world doesn't really do... "perfect".

Nature's kind of messy, the maths is all mashed up
Between friction, resistance and turbulence, you get a half-full empty cup
But I don't mean that's a negative thing, though others probably would
When correct and precise aren't always nice, appropriate or good

If it's not quite right for you and it's not quite right for me
With heart and mind, we might find just how perfectly wrong it can be
Perfectly wrong, wonderfully wonky, exactly out of whack, unashamedly shonky
Awry is alright. It's why we belong, being perfectly wrong


6. Houseband and Wifi (chat)
HOUSEBAND: Oh, that was pretty good, I reckon.
WIFI: Yeah, it was, I liked it a lot.
KNOWSY: And now, dear listener, allow me to introduce to you, our musical duo, providing accompaniment for the entire show, the fabulous, Houseband and Wifi.
WIFI: Oh yes, that's us, dear.
HOUSEBAND: Yeah, that's us.
WIFI: We did chat with the listeners earlier.
HOUSEBAND: Yeah, we go way back.
NOTEY: Hehehem, excuse me...
HOUSEBAND: Oh, yes?
NOTEY: ...but are your names really Houseband and Wifi?
HOUSEBAND: Oh, yes, we met on the internet.
WIFI: Oh yes, the internet, dear. When we got married, you see, the celebrant, she pronounced us Houseband and Wifi.
HOUSEBAND: Yes, well, that's what we thought she said, but...
WIFI: Wasn't that what she said?
HOUSEBAND: ...she was a bit hard to understand. She had her jaw wired shut.
WIFI: Oh, yes, the poor dear, she couldn't eat any of the cake.
HOUSEBAND: Oh, the cake!
WIFI: The strawberry mousse cake.
HOUSEBAND: Oh, the flowers!
WIFI: Oh, the sun!
HOUSEBAND: What a day it was.
WIFI: Oh, it was lovely.
HOUSEBAND: So, she pronounced us Houseband and Wifi and those monikers just kind of stuck.
WIFI: Her name wasn't Monica, dear, it was Jennifer.
HOUSEBAND: Yes, Jennifer, the celebrant.
WIFI: Well, who's Monica?
HOUSEBAND: No idea.
WIFI: Yes, well...
KNOWSY: Well, that's great, you two. Now, could you give us a bit of a demo of that looping stuff you do?
WIFI: Oh, the looping. Yes, indeed...
KNOWSY: And maybe, make it a good mix of notes AND noises, so our two guests are happy.
WIFI: Oh, yes, indeed, dear, we can certainly do that.
HOUSEBAND: Yes... indeed...
WIFI: I tell you what, dear, why don't you start with some notes?
HOUSEBAND: Oh, okay, here we go!
[adds first layer of loop]
NOTEY: Oh, I like those notes, thank you very much.
[next loop layer]
NOTEY: I think that's rather more Noisy's style, don't you?
HOUSEBAND: Ok, how about this?
[next loop layer]
WIFI: Oh, yes, there's a a good mix of notes and noise in that one, isn't there. What do you think of that, young Notey?
NOTEY: Well, yes, that's acceptable, I think, yes, indeed.
HOUSEBAND: So, Knowsy, is that what you had in mind?
KNOWSY: Oh, yeah, that's great, I love it. Now, tell me, Notey and Noisy...
NOTEY: Yes?
KNOWSY: ...I've been doing a little bit of research in preparation for your visit, but tell me, how would you describe sound, and how does it get around?
NOTEY: [at the same time as NOISY] Oh, indeed, well, yes, to generate a sound you need an os... cill... ator...
NOISY: Ah, well, sound is vibration, things... oh... oh, sorry.
NOTEY: No, I do beg your pardon. I went first earlier. Please, you begin.


7. Oscillators and Resonators info
NOISY: OK, can I do it with that dancehall beat?
HOUSEBAND: Yeah, sure.
NOISY: Thanks.

NOISY [Throaty voice]: 
Sound is vibration, things wobbling, making other things wobble, which wobbles the surrounding air, which wobbles the next bit of air, then the next bit of air and so on it goes, like rows of dominoes, pressure highs and lows passed so fast through the air from here to there to an ear, where it wobbles the eardrum, which wobbles the ossicles, which wobbles the cochlea, where the hair cells and the stereocilia remodel the wobble, translatin' the vibration to electrical impulses in the brain, making thoughts of sound appear, coming in loud and clear and that's how we hear! [Normal voice] Ah, Notey?

NOTEY:
To generate a sound you need an oscillator to make the vibration and a resonator to make it greater
To guide its tuning, enhance its timbre, and make it louder, rowdier, amplified
Allowing it to travel far and wide
With a violin
NOISY: Or guitar
NOTEY: The oscillator is the string and the resonator is the hollow wooden body
And with a trumpet, the oscillator is the player's lips and resonator is the air in the metal tube
And when you whistle, the oscillator is the turbulence between your lips and resonator is the air inside your mouth
Which may seem the wrong way round, but
NOTEY and NOISY:
Sound is really fast
NOISY:
At more than a thousand kilometres per hour
Which is so much faster than the air you're blowing
Sound doesn't care which way the wind is going
It can swim up the airstream like a sonic salmon, yeah
NOTEY:
Swimming up the airstream like a sonic salmon
NOISY:
Like a sonic salmon
NOTEY:
Swimming up the airstream like a sonic salmon
NOISY:
L
ike a sonic salmon
NOTEY:
High sounds are more directional than low
So, a voice around a corner sounds muffled, you know?
And at an outdoor concert, the wind can blow
The trebles around while subs just go... in all directions!
NOISY:
The bass has maximum diffraction action
NOTEY:
Flying through the air in all directions

KNOWSY: Well, gosh, that's got me thinking. Hmm...


8. Resonance and Dampening info
KNOWSY:
When you make a sound, it's bound to bounce around all that's surrounding
Adding to it, taking from it, brightening, dulling and resounding
KNOWSY and NOTEY:
'Cos every space, every object, every damn thing has resonance and dampening
Reverb, echo or delay (ee ee)
Acoustics produce it when music's let loose, it's a manic sonic interplay
KNOWSY:
The size, shape and density dictates the frequency rates at which things like vibrating
And if these notes are found in the sound that's around, they'll join in, joyfully resonating
A hard surface reflects, adding brightness and echoes when made of glass, metal or stone
And fuzzy stuff will increasingly suck up high frequency, leaving a woollier tone
KNOWSY and NOTEY:
'Cos every space, every object, every damn thing has resonance and dampening
Reverb, echo or delay (ee ee)
Acoustics produce it when music's let loose, it's a manic sonic interplay
Entangled in every way
It changes wherever you stray
So, embrace it, 'cos it's here to stay
KNOWSY:
A milkshake's air bubbles' bass resonance doubles the subs, tap the base of the cup
For a "doonging" effect, deeper than you'd expect, as the froth subsides, its pitch goes up
No one has the same ear, we all differently hear, yes, our bodies are part of this too
And each speaker and mic, are unique, unalike, then change placement and everything's new
KNOWSY and NOTEY:
Pure notes become noisy, pure noise becomes notey and there's nothing much you can do

HOUSEBAND: Oh! Bravo!
WIFI: Oh, thank you.
HOUSEBAND: Bravo!
WIFI: Oh, goodness!
HOUSEBAND: Encore!
WIFI: I have been practising that one... yes...
HOUSEBAND: Otra, otra! Zugabe, zugabe!
NOTEY: Shall we continue?
KNOWSY: Oh, hehe, I think we'd better!

KNOWSY and NOTEY:
When a sound is born, the world adorns it all fully transforming
Wonderfully, beautifully, but sometimes brutal and deforming
'Cos every space, every object, every damn thing has resonance and dampening
Reverb, echo or delay (ee ee)
Acoustics produce it when music's let loose, it's a manic sonic interplay
Entangled in every way
It changes wherever you stray
So embrace it, 'cos it's here to stay


9. Pink Noise (chat)
NOTEY: Oh, well, I guess with all that going on, it means I'll never get to hear the perfect pure note!
NOISY: And I won't get to hear the perfect Pink Noise!
NOTEY: Pink? Don't you mean "White Noise"?
NOISY: Ah, well, you see, "White Noise" is every frequency at equal volume, but because frequency doubles each time you go up an octave, it means the high frequencies end up sounding a bit too loud, like this... [White Noise].
NOTEY: Oh!
NOISY: But Pink Noise adjusts for this by having the same volume of noise for each octave which means it sounds, to our ears, like the perfect noise. A bit like this... [Pink Noise].
NOTEY: I see!
NOISY: There's also "Brown Noise", which is deeper again, derived from Brownian motion. But speaking of motions, that's nothing to do with the "Brown Note", which is the proposed loosening frequency of the human bowel.
NOTEY: Oh, Noisy, really!!
KNOWSY: Oh, that's great. Now, tell me, Notey, what would the perfect note sound like?
NOTEY: Yes, thank you! Er, well, perhaps, something like... Ooooooooo... but it seems I can never get it just one frequency.
NOISY: That'd be its harmonics, yeah?
NOTEY: What? Like on a guitar?
KNOWSY: Ah, kind of...
NOTEY: Don't you mean overtones?
KNOWSY: Ah... yes and no. Look, I think we'd better go and do a little bit more reading about harmonics, but in the meantime, Houseband and Wifi, what've you got?
WIFI: Oh... harmonics... Yes, there's a fun subject, isn't it, dear?
HOUSEBAND: Oh, yeah, there's no harm in harmonics.
WIFI: Oh, and yet, there is! Hehehehe...
HOUSEBAND: Yes, oh, and we're overt ones for overtones!
WIFI: Oh! You're a bit of a pun gent, it seems.
HOUSEBAND: Yes, that last joke was a bit of a stinker!
WIFI: It was implied.
HOUSEBAND: Hehehe, yes. Hey, he didn't mention partials...
WIFI: Oh!
HOUSEBAND: ...which are kind of the same thing.
WIFI: Oh, yes, indeed. Well then...
HOUSEBAND: Oh?
WIFI: ...don't forget about "formant".
HOUSEBAND: Oh, formant! That's a show in itself.
WIFI: Oh, yes, I can't wait for that one... "Formant, the Musical!"
HOUSEBAND: Oh, imagine that! Oh... so, back to harmonics.
WIFI: Well, yes...
HOUSEBAND: I'm going to make a loop of me singing up the notes of the harmonic series, up to the 12th harmonic. How 'bout that?
WIFI: Oh, yes, indeed, well and, as you do that, you could split the loop into the corresponding fraction.
HOUSEBAND: Oh, good idea!
WIFI: Yes.
HOUSEBAND: And I'll count it out. Except, when I do five in a bar, for example, I'll do "12332 12332" etc., so it stays symmetrical, a bit like a palindrome.
WIFI: Oh, I do like a palindrome.
HOUSEBAND: Oh, I sure do.
WIFI: Well, yes, and then you could put some different grooves against it.
HOUSEBAND: Oh, what did you have in mind?
WIFI: Well, you could do a 4 beat groove.
HOUSEBAND: Oh, yeah, common.
WIFI: Or perhaps a 6 beat.
HOUSEBAND: Oh, classic.
WIFI: Oo!
HOUSEBAND: Yes?
WIFI: Or you could even do...
HOUSEBAND: Ah huh?
WIFI: ...a 5-beat groove.
HOUSEBAND: Oo, that'd be appropriate. We are still in our prime, dear!
WIFI: Oh, hehehe.
HOUSEBAND: Oh, and while I build the loop, can you perchance tell the listeners what percentage of a semitone the notes of the harmonic series differ in tuning from equal temperament, our standard tuning system?
WIFI: Oh, yes, I'm sure they'll be fascinated by that.
HOUSEBAND: Oh, yes.
WIFI: And FYI folks, so you understand what I'm on about, one percent of a semitone is called a "cent".
HOUSEBAND: Oh, that is useful information. And FYI, FYI stands for "For Your Information" ... BTDubs ...
WIFI: OMG, would you get on with it!
HOUSEBAND: Oh, and I see the others are heading back from the library. We'd better get a wriggle on.
WIFI: Yes, quick! Loop it up, cowboy! Let's do it in the key of G, for "Giddy up!"
HOUSEBAND: Oh! Yeehah!
WIFI: Yes, I'll just adjust my G string here...
HOUSEBAND: Oh, are you comfortable now, dear?
WIFI: Yes, much better, thank you.


10. Harmonics info
WIFI: [over loop build]
1 is the fundamental, a G
2 is a G, the octave up
3 is a D, 2 cents sharp and
4 is the next G up
5 is a B, 14 cents flat
6 is a D, 2 cents sharp
7 is an F, 31 cents flat and
8 is the next G up
9 is an A, 4 cents sharp
10 is a B, 14 cents flat
11's a C sharp, 49 cents flat and
12 is another D, 2 cents sharp again

KNOWSY:
Take a rope, spin it round
Spin it faster, but loosely wound
Like a sine wave for sight, not sound
Pretty soon you're bound to have found
You can spin it in 2 parts, 3, 4, 5 and 6
Even 7 or more, these are known as harmonics
NOISY:
Any instrument with a string
Will gladly do the same thing
Pluck it strongly while you touch your finger
Halfway up the string and hear it ding
NOISY and NOTEY:
Well, you can split it in 2 parts, 3, 4, 5 and 6
Even 7 or more, these are known as harmonics
KNOWSY and NOTEY:
Haaaaaarmonics! Haaaaaarmonics!
NOTEY:
Air in tubes used in music
Like bugles, tubas, bassoons and flutes
 Harmonically produce their honks and toots
The way you buzz or blow will choose if the air will
NOTEY and KNOWSY:
Vibrate in 2 parts 3, 4, 5 and 6
Even 7 or more, these are known as harmonics
Haaaaaarmonics! Haaaaaarmonics!
KNOWSY:
When you sing or play a note, it's not just one frequency
It's all of its harmonics too
But you don't hear them as notes, just as tone-colour or timbre
But if you shape your mouth so the air inside resonates at the frequency of one of those harmonics, it'll amplify it
So, you can hear it as a note, come on, try it
Sing "Wow" really slowly, like, "Wow"... I mean really slowly like, "W... o... w..."
Listen for the bugle in your mouth
Like, Ngoo Ngaw Nga Ngaw Ngoo...
Yeah, listen for the bugle in your mouth
Like, Ngoo Ngaw Nga Ngaw Ngoo...
Then push the back of your tongue back into your throat
To give the Kermit or Mr Bean tone to your note
Then slowly close your lips over that for a while
And soon you'll have the Tuvan or Mongolian style
[Tuvan-style harmonic singing]
NOISY:
They're also known as overtones but not all overtones are harmonics
Things like gongs, drums and xylophones have more irregular sonics
And while some tubes like didgeridoos or clarinets have odd harmonics overblown
Their sound spectrum has every harmonic overtone
NOTEY:
Harmonics are called partials too and I'm rather partial to the natural mood of their tuning
It's ever so soothing and calming, a harmony not like what you hear on piano or guitar
Those intervals have been standardised and homogenised, it's a compromise, it's called "Equal Temperament"
Not quite what mother nature meant, though it's cool!
KNOWSY:
The notes get closer, through its ascent
KNOWSY and NOTEY:
Apart from octaves, they're slightly bent
To various degrees from Equal Temperament
But they're astoundingly coincident
I mean astoundingly coincident
The fundamental frequency times 2, 3, 4, 5 and 6
Even 7 or more, these are known as harmonics...
Haaaaaarmonics! Haaaaaarmonics! Haaaaaarmonics! Haaaaaarmonics!


11. Travesty of Nomenclature (chat)
NOISY: Okay, let me get this straight, the words "harmonics" and "overtones" are both used to refer to the peaks of a sound spectrum that give it its tone quality, yeah?
NOTEY: Well, yes, but both words can also mean the vocal technique of amplifying one of those peaks with the resonance of the vocal tract, so that we can hear it as a note.
NOISY: Ahh, harmonic or overtone singing...
NOTEY: Yes.
NOISY: Yeah, but they can both also mean the notes made by touching a string to make it vibrate in different fractions, yeah?
NOTEY: Yes, but also the notes overblown on a tube.
NOISY: Which aren't always the notes of the harmonic series.
NOTEY: Oh, it's terribly confusing!
NOISY: Yeah, it is!
KNOWSY: Hey, and what's more, the 2nd harmonic is called the 1st overtone!
NOTEY: Oh, good grief!
NOISY: That's craziness!
NOTEY: What a travesty of nomenclature.
KNOWSY: Alrighty, well, I think from here, we'd better read up a little bit more about this "Equal Temperament" business.
NOTEY: Oh, yes please, let's go!
HOUSEBAND: Aah, well, equal temperament! I've got a wonderful demonstration I could show you of that.
WIFI: Oh, dear, I'm afraid to tell you they've already gone. They've left the building.
HOUSEBAND: Oh, what? They've gone down to the library?
WIFI: Yes.
HOUSEBAND: They could have just stayed here and learned about it from us.
WIFI: Oh, yes, they could've, dear, but I tell you what, the listeners will definitely appreciate it. Why don't you do it anyway?
HOUSEBAND: Oh, okay. Well… guitars are tuned in equal temperament, which is dividing the octave into 12 equal parts. And going up a semitone means multiplying the frequency by the 12th root of 2. Hehe! But it's not quite in tune with harmonics which we hear in nature. So, I'll demonstrate the difference by tuning the high open E of my guitar to the 5th harmonic of the lowest C on the guitar. So, that's the 1st harmonic, here's the 2nd harmonic, the 3rd harmonic, the 4th harmonic, and the 5th harmonic. Which is a little flat from the open E. So, I'm gonna tune the open E down to it. Here we go... [tunes guitar]
WIFI: Ah, yes, and an elephant stamp for those clever listeners that have remembered from earlier, that the 5th harmonic is 14 cents flat from its equal temperament counterpart.
HOUSEBAND: Okay, well, this is what 14 cents difference sounds like... [plays notes]
WIFI: Oh, yes, it's a subtle, yet profound difference.
HOUSEBAND: So, here's Equal Temperament... [plays arpeggiated chord]
WIFI: Yes, that's what our modern ears are used to.
HOUSEBAND: And here's Just Intonation... [plays arpeggiated chord] or harmonically tuned.
WIFI: Oh, that is lovely, and strangely calming.
HOUSEBAND: Yes, but nothing against Equal Temperament, it's very useful. So, for this next piece of music, I'm going to showcase Equal Temperament by using all 12 major chords equally. A bit like a "tone row". Like, you know, Schoenberg might do.
WIFI: Oh, Mr Schoenberg. Yes, he was a clever chappie, wasn't he?
HOUSEBAND: Yes, oh, hey, did you know that Schoenberg, in German, means "pretty mountain"?
WIFI: Does it now?
HOUSEBAND: It always has!
WIFI: Do you know, I can't say Mr Schoenberg's music puts me in mind of a pretty mountain.
HOUSEBAND: No, me neither. But, you know, I was hoping my piece of music could be quite tuneful, and yet still featuring all 12 major chords equally.
WIFI: Oh, well, you should do it in a 12 beat time signature then.
HOUSEBAND: Oh, good idea!
WIFI: Oh, oo, and here's an idea.
HOUSEBAND: Where?
WIFI: Well, here on this handy dandy melodica that I happen to have.
HOUSEBAND: Oh!
WIFI: You could use the rhythm of the white notes of the keyboard.
HOUSEBAND: Oh, what do you mean by that?
WIFI: Indeed, what do I mean by that? Well, imagine, if you will, that the black notes on the keyboard are rests.
HOUSEBAND: Oh!
WIFI: [plays melodica]
HOUSEBAND: Oh!
WIFI: So, you have to listen to the RHYTHM of what I am playing.
HOUSEBAND: Oh, the rhythm, rather than the notes.
WIFI: I'll do it again. [Plays melodica with added claps]
HOUSEBAND: That's that well-known West African bell pattern. That's amazing that that's encoded in the piano keyboard.
WIFI: Encoded! Ohhh! Illuminati confirmed!
HOUSEBAND: Ohh... maybe... oh, actually, we could use the rhythm of the black notes as well.
WIFI: Oh...
HOUSEBAND: And, Fume Fu*maybe, we could incorporate that into the piece too?
WIFI: Oh, that's an excellent idea. Yes, pop it into the next song. Have a listen, dear listeners, and see if you can spot that lovely little motif.
HOUSEBAND: Oh, and being about the equality of black and white, it could be an "ulterior motif"!
WIFI: Oh, hehehe.
HOUSEBAND: Hahaha...
WIFI: Yes, well, perhaps we'd better get young Knowsy back... Knowsy?
KNOWSY: Oh yeah...
WIFI: Oh!
KNOWSY: I'm right here.
WIFI: There you are, dear. Well, could you get your nose out of that book now, dear...
KNOWSY: Oh, sure.
WIFI: ...and come and tell us all about the history of equal temperament.
KNOWSY: Oh, well, I'm the full bottle on that now.
WIFI: Yes, I suspected as much.
KNOWSY: Okay, here we go.

[*Fume Fume is a Ghanaian 2-2-3-2-3 rhythm. Look it up!]


12. ET info
KNOWSY:
Equal temperament, the octave split into an equal twelve
Is so convenient, since Bach embarked on it, we've loved to delve
Into a world of changing keys, but it leaves us slightly ill at ease

'Cos it's not in tune with all the intervals of the harmonic series
AKA Just Intonation, prompting these maths / sonic queries
How'd this come about? And has some maths sort sought to sort it out?

Pythagoras and others 'round the world of similar mind
In China, India and elsewhere were both pleased and peeved to find
These disparate bits of maths match up and yet are nigglingly ill aligned

Two to the power of seven is one twenty eight, which doesn't quite fit
 With one point five to the power of twelve which is 129.7 and a bit
Pythagoras must've hated it, his whole life he debated it
It's called the Pythagorean comma 'cos he stated it
It means that equal temperament and Just perfect 5ths are about two hundredths of a semitone out

Well, it may not seem like much, but it compounds throughout a whole piano's range
Pythagoras built his scale on all Just 5ths and hoped that change was not too strange
But lo! The major 3rd, where the Syntonic Comma can be heard

'Twas Didymus and others 'round the world of similar mind
In China, India and elsewhere, were both chuffed and miffed to find
That these two other bits of maths are also, even more so, misaligned

The 5th harmonic, the fundamental frequency times five, won't arrive
At one point, five to the power of four which is 5.0625
Old Didymus must've hated it, that eighty one to eighty bit
It's known as the Comma of Didymus 'cos he stated it
It means that Pythagorean and Just major 3rds are about a 5th of a semitone out

Well, equal temperament 3rds are but a 7th of a semitone out from Just, it's not as bad
But the major 3rds are still too happy, the minor 3rds too sad
It's like a pageant smile and a panto frown, it's like it's been tuned by a clown
This sound so slightly insincere, we've grown accustomed to by ear
For more than four hundred years, ET's been what one mostly hears
Its influence so strong, so long, that now Just 3rds seem kind of wrong

If you tune your guitar by harmonics, the G and the B will be Pythagoreanally chronic
Pianos and mandolins use unison strings to diffuse things non-syntonic
Chromaticism's really neat, but so's a chord that doesn't beat

For millennia, the finest minds have tried in vain to find a fix
But these ideals won't compromise or bend to mathematic tricks
Give in, I say, with Zen-like glee, acceptance is the tonic key

Some soul singers sing really sharp, some show singers sing really flat
It's neither right or wrong, just different style, a sound, a colour that
When added to your palate lets new hues nuance between the frets

So when it's apt, adapt to Just, but other times you've gotta be
Well tempered, well adjusted, thusly roll with the dichotomy
It's our Just desserts, Catch 22, can't have our cake and ET too

Though it blows my mind that they align as well as they do


13. Overload (chat)
NOTEY: Yes, it is an amazing coincidence that equal temperament is even vaguely in tune with harmonics; we really should just be thankful for that!
NOISY: Yeah, now I understand why guitars never quite seem in tune.
NOTEY: Indeed. That was rather a lot of information, though.
NOISY: Yeah, it was kinda dense.
NOTEY: I think I might need a little moment to digest it all.
KNOWSY: Yeah, well, I might do a little bit more reading, if that's okay.
NOTEY: I might just go and sit in the corner and stare at the wall and breathe into a paper bag.
HOUSEBAND: Oh, well, in that case, I might do some looping. I've been working on this loop that's based on a Samoan clapping game.
WIFI: Oh, that sounds like fun.
HOUSEBAND: Oh, remember fun?
WIFI: Oh, yes! Oh, remember that time...
HOUSEBAND: Oh, that time! Ah, the memory.
WIFI: Alright, well, join in with this, listeners. Slap your thighs and clap your hands. Here we go! Slap clap-slap. Double... slap-slap-clap-slap. Now three times... slap-slap-clap-slap-slap-slap-clap-slap-slap-slap-clap-slap... keep it going!
[Difference Tone loop builds]
You might get sore thighs but that's okay, dear, you can do it!
Here comes the harmonica!
[adds difference tones on harmonica]
NOTEY: I say, Noisy ...
HOUSEBAND: Oh, yes, how can I help you?
NOTEY: Er, no, Noisy!
KNOWSY: Oh, sorry, how can I be of assistance?
NOTEY: I was hoping to speak to Noisy!
NOISY: Hehem, yeah, sorry about that.
NOTEY: Yes.
NOISY: Ah, what's up?
NOTEY: Well, did you notice... the harmonica part, where one note is being played and the other notes are sung against it. But can you hear a third part, lower down?
NOISY: Well, there is something weird down there.
NOTEY: Look, perhaps if I demonstrate on the melodica, it will be clear.
NOISY: Oh, great!
NOTEY: So, this note is being played... [plays melodica]
NOISY: Uh huh!
NOTEY: And these notes are sung against it... [plays melodica] And now, if I play them together...
NOISY: Okay...
NOTEY: [plays melodica] Can you hear a third part, lower down, that sounds like this? [plays melodica]
NOISY: Ah, maybe.
NOTEY: Look, I'll play it again. Have a listen... [plays melodica]
NOISY: Wow! It really sounds like you're playing those low notes!
NOTEY: Doesn't it! But I definitely wasn't.
NOISY: So, what happens if you bring the notes closer together?
NOTEY: Oh, good idea, let's try that... [plays melodica]
NOISY: Oh, that's lower.
NOTEY: [plays melodica]
NOISY: Even lower.
NOTEY: [plays melodica]
NOISY: Wow! That last one was really low. What was that?
NOTEY: Oh, that was a tone apart.
NOISY: Ah, Napolean Toneapart.
NOTEY: Oh!
NOISY: Hehehe! Hey, how about a semitone?
NOTEY: I thought you'd never ask! [plays melodica]
NOISY: Oh, that's crazy
NOTEY: Oo, those low notes don't even exist on this instrument!
NOISY: Yeah, it reminds me of when you hear two people scream or whistle loudly and you get that weird low humming sound inside your head.
NOTEY: Indeed!


14. Difference Tone info
NOTEY: Do you know, the first time I heard this phenomenon, I actually went and sought professional help as I thought I had lost my mind.
NOISY: Yeah, tell me about it.
NOTEY: Oh, alright, I shall...

Doctor can you help me, I think I've gone insane
When I play two high notes at once I hear a low one in my brain
Sometimes even lower than the instrument can sound
Where on earth's it coming from? There's no one else around
Can you hear it? Listen in. It's down low. Come on now. Don't you know?

The doctor nodded knowingly, then stroked his beard and said
KNOWSY ("The Doctor"):
Indeed, it seems you're hearing things and, yes, it's all in your head!
But you are not alone, this effect is widely known
In this eerie hearing claim, in fact we're all the same
That's the difference
NOTEY: What?
KNOWSY: That's the difference tone, that's its name
NOTEY: Oh!
KNOWSY: That's the difference tone
But beware, once you're aware they're there, I swear, you hear them everywhere
That phony drone, that mystery moan, the difference tone

KNOWSY and NOTEY:
You know when two notes get close to in tune, you hear a beating?
As the frequencies freak out in your ear, sound waves compete repeating
In and out of sync, but as the notes get more remote
The beat speeds up until you hear that wobble as a note of its own
That's the difference tone
Yes, indeed! That's the difference tone
But beware, once you're aware they're there, I swear, you hear them everywhere
KNOWSY:
That phony drone, that mystery moan, the difference tone

Okay, are you ready for the maths? Here we go...

The mathematics of it's nothing too complex
One frequency from another, y minus x
But two more difference tones, if you try, can be heard
At 2x minus y or 3x minus 2y, if you're a nerd
That's the difference, that's the difference tone
Yes, indeed! That's the difference tone
KNOWSY and NOTEY:
Well, along with the Summation Tones, they're kinds of Combination Tones
They're also called Tartini tones, tuned like inverted overtones
So if it's equal temperament, their tuning can be kind of bent
The difference, that's the difference tone
That's its name! That's the difference tone
But beware, once you're aware they're there, I swear, you hear them everywhere
KNOWSY:
That phony drone, that mystery moan, the difference tone
That's the difference tone, yeah! [looped]


15. Narrator (chat)
NARRATOR: As Notey, Noisy and Knowsy were busy discussing the sonic complexit...
NOTEY: Hehehehem, excuse me, who is that speaking?
NARRATOR: I am the narrator.
NOTEY: The narrator? Well, where have you been? The show is more than halfway through.
NARRATOR: Well, it's all been perfectly fine without me up to this point, but there's now some important information that it's imperative that I share with you all.
NOTEY: Oh, I see, well, please, do go on.
NARRATOR: Well, I shall. Ahem. As Notey, Noisy and Knowsy were busy discussing the sonic complexities of nature, they failed to notice a darkly clad figure lurking quietly in the corner... until now...


16. I Like Nought
KNOWSY: Oh, g'day! I didn't see you there! When did you arrive?
NOUGHTY: Aw, actually, I've been here the whole time.
KNOWSY: Oh, really! Okay, well then, is there anything we can do for you?
NOUGHTY: Well, the thing is, like Notey and Noisy, I too have a sonic proclivity, of sorts.
KNOWSY: Ah, is that right? Well, could you tell us about it?
NOUGHTY: Alright.

I like... [pause]… nothing more
It's pure silence that I adore
Perfect... [pause]… if you please
I'll have none of your frequencies
Zero, zilch, zip, empty, nought…

That's why they call me... Noughty!

KNOWSY: Ah, that's a great name, I like it. Hey, would you like to join in our conversation?
NOUGHTY: I'd like nothing better.
KNOWSY: Well, great. Well, you've probably heard we've been discussing the whole...
NOUGHTY: I… I... I don't think you quite understand.
KNOWSY: Oh, sorry, ah, can you explain?
NOUGHTY: What I mean is...


17. Nothing info
NOUGHTY:
Nothing is better than this
I mean nothing is better than this
When things are all amiss and everything's a bore
Nothing would please me more
Anything could go wrong, while nothing remains secure
A lack of space and peace and quiet are things nothing can cure

Some say there's no such thing as nothing
There's always something there
When all around is silent
Your heartbeat fills the air
The gentle hiss of tinnitus
Your gurgling gut, your breath
The only way to silence this is... death

No(,) nothin' ain't further from the truth!
No(,) nothin' don't make no sense!
This mega meta-negativity's forsooth uncouth and hence

Let nothing come between us
Accept(except) a state of bliss
We're(wear/where) next to nothing('s) so at one(once)
So nothing compares to this

Sweet nothings whispered
Nothing said aloud(allowed), de nada, mi amor
Think nothing of it being nothing
Like a good for nothing, nothing more

Nothing makes me want to sing
Nothing brings me joy
When I say nothing floats my boat
I sing out "Ship ahoy!"

Avast avoid(a vaster void) all things(,) come to nothing(,)
Meaning(s) some dismiss
This loud and crowded, crazy world
Nothing is better than this


18. AC (chat)
[50 Hz hum starts]
NOUGHTY: Awww, what's that noise?
NOISY: Ah, that's the AC hum.
NOUGHTY: What? The air conditioning?
KNOWSY: Well, yes and no.
NOUGHTY: Oh.
KNOWSY: AC also stands for alternating current. Our mains electricity isn't DC, direct current, which is a stream of electrons, it's AC, alternating current, where the electrons wobble back and forth. Which makes that sound.
NOUGHTY: What? We can hear the electricity?
KNOWSY: Well, yes and no.
NOUGHTY: Oh.
KNOWSY: When the AC in a wire goes past a magnet or into a piezo substance, it can cause a physical vibration and, thus, sound.
NOUGHTY: Is that what they mean by airwaves?
KNOWSY: Well, yes and no.
NOUGHTY: Oh.
KNOWSY: Sound, at times, is indeed "waves of air", but the term "airwaves" refers to radio waves, which, along with microwaves, infrared (or radiant heat), visible light, X-rays and gamma rays, they're all vibrations of the magnetic field, which can pass through the air.
NOTEY: But also through a vacuum.
KNOWSY: Yeah, true.
NOUGHTY: Aw, well, at least that's silent.
KNOWSY: Yeah...
NOUGHTY: Yeah.
KNOWSY: Well, yes and no.
NOUGHTY: Ooh!
KNOWSY: The AC power in a wire makes the magnetic field around it vibrate, which, if not properly shielded, can induce hum in the wires that we send music through.
NOTEY: Or anywhere that there's electricity.
KNOWSY: Yeah, true!
NOISY: Hey, if Edison had got his way and everything was DC, this hum wouldn't be a problem, yeah?
NOTEY: Indeed!
KNOWSY: Yeah, I guess that's true.
WIFI: Oh, well, dear, do you think we could perhaps make some music out of it?
HOUSEBAND: Oh, okay, hehe, check this out.
WIFI: Oh! The hum stopped. Oh! It was you all along.
HOUSEBAND: Yes, it's my thumb against the guitar lead. Haha, you can do it with your tongue as well, check it out.
WIFI: Oh, what?
HOUSEBAND: Lrblelblelrblela!
WIFI: Oh, my giddy aunt!
HOUSEBAND: Okay then, let's make a beat out of it.
[loop build]
So, this buzz you're hearing is the alternating current frequency, 50 hertz, plus all of its harmonics, nice and strong, But, when you hear a transformer, like the back of a fridge, that's actually 100 hertz, which, being up the octave, means you more often hear it as a note. I've recorded some of that sound on my phone. Check it out!
[plays sound]
WIFI: Do you mean to tell me, dear, that you've recorded the back of the refrigerator on your telephone? Yes... some folks like to record things like bird calls, don't they, or, or frogs croaking perhaps. But, er, each to their own, I guess. But, what's that sound now? That sounds a little higher.
HOUSEBAND: Oh, yes, that's the 60 hertz hum that one hears in the Americas and parts of Japan.
WIFI: Oh?
HOUSEBAND: Oh, and this...
WIFI: Oh!
HOUSEBAND: ...this is the 400 hertz hum that one hears in submarines, spacecraft and aeroplanes.
WIFI: Oh, that's why it sounds familiar. Yes, that's the soothing sound of international travel. Ohh... make it stop!
HOUSEBAND: Oh, okay.
WIFI: Oh.
HOUSEBAND: Ah.
WIFI: Yes, let's not use that one. 
HOUSEBAND: No.
WIFI: But all those other bits are sounding quite musical.
HOUSEBAND: Yes.
WIFI: I think it's time we hear from our scholarlily knowledgeable host.
HOUSEBAND: Good idea.
NOTEY: Yes, I think Knowsy would know something about this subject, don't you?
KNOWSY: I reckon I do! Hey, could you give me some of that hum and I'll see what I can make of it.


19. 50Hz info
KNOWSY:
There's a buzz, it's electric. There's a hum all around
It's the power. Literally! It's the sound of the AC frequency
The alternating current electricity transmitting from the power station
Has a rate of alternation of 50 hertz, 50 cycles a second
Setting up a vibration and thus the emanation of
A note that's a third of semitone sharp from G
It's rather alarmingly out of key
That hum is harming our harmony

NOISY:
But in the Americas, it's all 60 hertz
Halfway from B flat to B, on the keys it lurks
Right in the crack between the white and the black
And exerts a worse hurt than 50 hertz hurts

NOTEY:
But how did this happen? Who's to blame? Let's take a little look back
At the miserably missed opportunity in tuning history that left our vibes out of whack

KNOWSY:
Well, in the 19th century, the music world was trying to agree on standard pitch
To find the frequency to which the note A should be fixed
In 1834, some German's thought A oughta be 440
But the rest of the world stayed haughty and fought it
For more than a century, 'til eventually they agreed, indeed
But in those very same years, electrical engineers would debate with their peers
What the rate of the alternating current, the AC frequency, should be

NOTEY and KNOWSY:
It requires the right compromise between loss in wires and flickering light
And while most chose 50, Westinghouse was shifty on fifty and he fixed his at 60

KNOWSY:
But if only that electrician who was in the position to make the decision had met a musician
And had the conversation, and seen the correlation, and did the calculation and made the compensation
They'd've split the difference 'twixt 50 and 60 to arrive... at 55
  Three octaves below 440. It would've brought it all into line
We could've tuned to the fluoros, jammed with a bandsaw
Had a techno rave with a microwave
Used the moan of a fridge like the drone of a didge. if only
Been a trance dance performer with a transformer, if only... ah, if only

NOTEY and KNOWSY:
But could we tune our music to 50 hertz? A third of a semitone higher?
That's the same as having A as 449, which is fine for most ears, but it's dire
For people with perfect pitch and instruments that can't be tuned that much or at all

KNOWSY:
And to change the AC to 49 hertz (which is G) would cost squillions to install

Now, the note you hear most is a hundred hertz, that's the octave above fifty
And its harmonics then pile on top, plus other random pitches, but the seventh harmonic is nifty
It's a third of a semitone flat from a minor 7th, thus fixing the intonation
So, if you hear an F, then it's likely to be in tune! It's a minor consolation

Well, I do hope this proves to elucidate you on the loose state of our rates of vibration
Please don't be freaked by this speak of frequencies, be at ease, it's all information
For next time you're frustrated playing music, bemused by why you wanna cry and fling your guitar off a bridge
It just may be that dumb AC hum, numbing and undermining your mind. So, back away from the fridge [repeated]


20. 432 info
NOISY:
So with standard pitch, 440, did they all really agree? I've heard it was a Nazi conspiracy
HOUSEBAND: Ahh!
WIFI: Ah...
HOUSEBAND and WIFI:
Well, that's the view of a few of the 432 crew
A passionate faction whose thoughts date back to
An 18th century physicist Sauveur who
Sought for every C to be a power of 2, like 4, 8, 16, 32, 64, 128, 256, 512 and more
In Equal Temperament, that's A 430.54
But a century later, Verdi would strive for
Pythagorean tuning making C128
A432, which as number is great
It's 2x2x2x2 x3x3x3… Wheee!
Useful factors and fab geometry but thence
Claims of cosmic and molecular resonance
Jump from number to note in a manner offhanded
Frequency involves seconds, a man-made standard
So, it seems to me highly unlikely there'd be
Such a universal syzygy of frequency
And it won't work on guitar or piano, seein'
As the maths only match in Pythagorean
But if you are feeling like retuning is healing
Then do it, for sure, I say, say no more
HOUSEBAND: Please
HOUSEBAND and WIFI:
Say no more
NOISY:
But the rock and baroque folk like 415
KNOWSEY and NOTEY:
And some others like 450
NOISY and NOTEY:
And there's everything in between!


21. A Sound Debate (chat)
NOTEY: So, I guess with all these supposed ideals of pitch standards and tuning systems, it can never be quite resolved.
KNOWSY: Well, nature's cheeky like that. It's a bit like quantum mechanics: If you want this, you can't have that. And if you want that, you can't have this.
WIFI: Oh, yes, and with all the oversimplification of things, the quantising of rhythm and auto-tuning of notes, well, it's all a bit at odds with nature, isn't it, dears.
HOUSEBAND: Yes, and the digitisation of music too. It's all very useful, but, in good balance, I think.
NOUGHTY: Awww, with all this debate about sound, surely you can see why I like silence so much.
NOISY: Yeah, well, I like a bit of nothingness too at times, but it's nice to have it framed with a little bit of sound.
NOTEY: And vice versa.
NOISY: Yeah, vice versa! Mix it up a bit.
NOTEY: Oo, mix it up indeed!
NOISY: Yeah, a bit of both.
NOTEY: Oh, a bit of both, hahaha.
NOISY: Hahaha, yeah...
WIFI: Ahemhem... excuse me, dears, I have a little offer for you...
From silence to sound, from noise to note
Music needs it all to truly emote
HOUSEBAND: Oh, what a lovely little poem that is.
WIFI: Yes, I thought it was apt.
HOUSEBAND: Yes, totes apropes.
NOUGHTY: Aw, I didn't realise there could be a point to music. I just thought it got in the way of peace and quiet.
KNOWSY: Well, if you can say there's no point to music, you could equally say there's no point to life.
NOUGHTY: Aww... that's a bit dark.
NOISY: Well, life's like that... you gotta take the dark with the light, the ups and the downs, and the highs and the lows and the...
NOTEY: Speaking of that, have you ever noticed how the physical representations of music's variables often get confused?
NOISY: What?!
NOUGHTY: Aw, I'm confused.
NOISY: Yeah, can you explain what that means?
NOTEY: Well, how we visualise different aspects of sound. For instance... on, er, perhaps... oh, yes, an accordion or a cello, when you go physically up the instrument, the pitch of the notes goes down. [sings example] Thusly!
NOISY: Ah, that's like on a guitar, where the highest pitched note is at the bottom of the neck and the lowest pitched note is at the top of the neck.
NOTEY: Yes.
NOISY: It's very confusing.
NOTEY: Indeed. And that's just pitch! Here, let me explain...


22. Tension and Release info
NOTEY:
The highs and lows of music
Often get mixed up, so note them down
Pitch, tempo, tone and volume
But also textural density
And emotional intensity
The drama!
The cadences from craziness to calmer
That drive the vibe and guide the way from go to woah, so...

NOTEY and KNOWSY:
Why play the same thing over and over?
Why play the same thing over and over?
Why play the same thing over and over?
Music isn't just about calm and peace
You need tension and release, tension and release

The words and the melody take me on a journey
The rhythm and the texture make it an adventure
The chords and the form lead me through the storm to the norm

From the fast to the slow, the high to the low
The dull to the bright, the loud to the quiet
With a pause and a stop, you'll work that applause and you'll take it to the top

Why play the same thing over and over?
Why play the same thing over and over?
Why play the same thing over and over?
Music isn't just about calm and peace
You need tension and release, tension and release

Questions and answers, sleepers and dancers
Extremes of emotion, waves on the ocean
Without hills and valleys, the land is really plain

From the fast to the slow, the high to the low
The dull to the bright, the loud to the quiet
With a pause and a stop, you'll work that applause and you'll take it to...

The bridge, post chorus, or middle 8
Another big bit for us to... anticipate
Or a breakdown, so low, it's over the top
As it builds and it builds and it builds and it builds
And builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds
And builds and builds and builds and builds and builds... to the drop!

WIFI: Oh, a bit of Dubstep for you, dears! Yes, a bit of EDM!
HOUSEBAND: Ah, yes, electronic dance music. Hey, have you noticed that EDM doesn't really use harmonic cadence as much as it uses textural and timbral cadence to create its tension and release...
WIFI: Ohhh, I'm feeling the tension!
HOUSEBAND: Oh, bring it back then. Hehehe ...

NOISY:
Change or repetition can be tension or release depending on your state of mind and their position in the piece, yeah?

NARRATOR: Ah! Change or repetition can be tension or release depending on your state of mind and their position in the piece.
NOISY: Hey, that's what I just said! Hahaha, I guess it's worth repeating then.

NOTEY and KNOWSY:
Explore and savour the quiver of quavery flavour that that that's quantised or autotuned lacks
'Cos all my favourite rhythms and melodies misbehave, off the grid and in the cracks

NOTEY: Are you deep in the groove or stuck in a rut?
NOISY: Are you deep in a groove or stuck in a rut?
NOUGHTY: Are you stuck in a rut or deep in the groove?
KNOWSY: Are you deep in a groove?
WIFI: Or stuck in a rut, dears?
HOUSEBAND: Oh, okay, try this then...

NARRATOR: Are you deep in a groove or stuck in a rut?

NOTEY and NOISY:
Yeah, that's the groove thing, the feel, the swing
The sweet push and pull round the pulse, round the globe, the beat
The subtle mash from rush to drag. The maths is mad
These neither 16ths nor triplets increase hipness
NOISY: The Funk!
NOTEY and NOISY:
The physicality of different instruments and languages and dances dictate it
Though there's no knowing how to notate it!
NOTEY and KNOWSY:
From the fast to the slow, the high to the low
The dull to the bright, the loud to the quiet
With a pause and a stop, you'll work that applause and you'll take it to the top, take it to the top, take it to the top!
Why play the same thing over and over?
Why play the same thing over and over?
Why play the same thing over and over?
Why play the same thing over and over?
TENSION AND RELEASE!



23. Narratus Interruptus (chat)
NOTEY: Oh, Noisy, I didn't think I could ever end up appreciating noise so much.
NOISY: Well, I'm starting to feel the same way about notes... Notey.
NOTEY: Oh, Noisy!
NOISY: Oh, Notey!
NOTEY: Ohh... Noisy!
NARRATOR: Notey and Noisy gaze deeply into each other's eyes, and they begin to sing with all the joy and the passion that was...
NOTEY: Ahem he hem… Excuse me!
NARRATOR: ...s... sorry?
NOTEY: We're having a moment here!
NARRATOR: Oh, I do beg your pardon.
NOTEY: Thank you.
NARRATOR: How improprietous of me.
NOTEY: Yes!
NARRATOR: Ah, look, I'll leave you to it.
NOTEY: Thank you.


24. A More Perfectly Wrong
NOTEY: He hem... Oh, Noisy...
NOISY: Oh, Notey
NOTEY: Ohh... Noisy

NOISY:
The nature of attraction, magnetic fields and gravity
NOTEY:
We know what they do, but what they are remains a mystery
NOISY:
But I don't think that's a negative thing
NOTEY:
Though it freaks some people out
NOTEY and NOISY:
When the compound confounding our chemistry is the element of doubt
NOUGHTY:
If it's not quite right for you
KNOWSY:
And it's not quite right for me
KNOWSY and NOUGHTY:
With heart and mind, we might find just how perfectly wrong we can be
NOTEY:
Perfectly wrong
NOISY:
Wonderfully wonky
NOUGHTY:
 
Exactly out of whack
KNOWSY:
Unashamedly shonky
NOTEY and NOISY:
Awry is alright
KNOWSY and NOTEY:
It's why we belong, being
NOUGHTY and NOISY:
Perfectly wrong

KNOWSY: Yeah!


25. Really Rarely (chat)
WIFI: Oh, isn't that sweet! Love really is about rejoicing in our irreconcilable differences, isn't it, dear?
HOUSEBAND: Oh, I really agree.
WIFI: Did you just say "really" or "rarely"?
HOUSEBAND: Oh, bit of both, I reckon... hehe!
WIFI: Oh! Hehehe... I see what you did there. I couldn't agree any more!
HOUSEBAND: Oh, what do you mean by that? 
WIFI: Exactly.
HOUSEBAND: Oh, hehehehe.
WIFI: Hmmm...
HOUSEBAND: Yes, that's the difficulty of calculating inverse relationships.
WIFI: Oh, are you trying to put ONE over me?
HOUSEBAND: Hahaha, no, dear, nothing could divide us.
WIFI: Oh, dearest...
HOUSEBAND: Aww...
NARRATOR: So, there we have it... Notey and Noisy... Knowsy and Noughty... Houseband and Wifi... all discovering that through the awareness and the acceptance of the many minor mismatches in music, as in life, we can all learn to get along and jam together!


26. Sound of Love info
NOISY:
Every oscillator needs a resonator
NOTEY:
To find their perfect key, freak out on their frequency
KNOWSY:
Reach a sonic boom in tune with the room
NOUGHTY:
Sweet harmonics up above, it's the sound of love
NOTEY:
M
ake a little note
NOISY:
Make a little noise
NOUGHTY:
Make a little nothing
KNOWSY:
Then do it again, again, again
NOTEY:
Make a little note
NOISY:
Make a little noise
NOUGHTY:
Make a little nothing
KNOWSY:
Then do it again, again, again
NOTEY and NOISY:
It's the love of sound
KNOWSY and NOUGHTY:
It's the sound of love
It's the love of sound
NOTEY and NOISY:
It's the sound of love

NOISY [throaty voice]:
Overtones on a drone, moan and groan
In the zone, the beats kick in, a riff, a loop, a lick in to a…
NOISY and NOTEY:
Groove, deep and embracing, hearts racing, chasing passion's waves crashing above
It's the sound of love

NOTEY:
Make a little note
NOISY:
Make a little noise
NOUGHTY:
Make a little nothing
KNOWSY:
Then do it again, again, again
NOTEY:
Make a little note
NOISY:
Make a little noise
NOUGHTY:
Make a little nothing
KNOWSY:
Then do it again, again, again
NOTEY and NOISY:
It's the love of sound
KNOWSY and NOUGHTY:
It's the sound of love
It's the love of sound
NOTEY and NOISY:
It's the sound of love
NOUGHTY and NOISY:
It's the love of sound
NOTEY and KNOWSY:
It's the sound of love

HOUSEBAND: As we travel back through history
WIFI: To unravel music's mystery
HOUSEBAND: Every culture round the earth
WIFI: Deeply understands its worth
HOUSEBAND: Each choose a different quirky angle
WIFI: On music's rich imperfect tangle

HOUSEBAND: Oh, that was quite lovely.
WIFI: It was, wasn't it? It was poetic.
HOUSEBAND: Yeah, Shakespearean even...
WIFI: It was! Do you know, it put me in mind of Puck's last speech.
HOUSEBAND: Oh, yes. Well, Shakespeare could get away with that kind of subtlety.
WIFI: Er, but I feel our listeners might like an ending with a bit more of a bang to it.
HOUSEBAND: Oh, yes, a bit more oompf! That's what it needs!
WIFI: Hehehe, yes, oompf indeed!
HOUSEBAND: Yes.
WIFI: Oh, I tell you what, dear.
HOUSEBAND: Yes.
WIFI: Why don't you pick up that trumpety thing of yours...
HOUSEBAND: Oh, okay
WIFI: ...and we'll have a final, fanfare-y flourish!
HOUSEBAND: Oh, good idea. Okay, here we go...


27. Thankyouse (chat)
KNOWSY: Well, thanks for listening everyone, hope you enjoyed it. And I'd like to thank our guests. First off, the fabulous, Notey!
NOTEY: Oh, you're too kind. Thank you so much. But we also must acknowledge the terribly exciting, Noisy!
NOISY: Aw, thanks, Notey. And we'd also like to thank the delightfully mysterious, Noughty.
NOUGHTY: Aww, oh, thank you. Nothing would give me more pleasure, hehe, than to thank our inimitable host, Knowsy.
KNOWSY: Oh, well, thanks, Noughty, it's been a joy. Now, oo, hang on a sec, is there someone we haven't thanked yet?
NOUGHTY: Aww... don't forget the 'How' and 'Why'!
KNOWSY: The How and Why? Oh, Houseband and Wifi!
NOUGHTY: Yeah.
KNOWSY: Who've provided all the music for the show today.
WIFI: Oh, thank you, dear. Yes, yes, it has been rather lovely, hasn't it?
HOUSEBAND: Oh, yes! And I feel we've all learnt a bit along the way, too.
WIFI: Yes, indeed. But I think it's definitely time for a cup of tea. I'm going to go pop the kettle on.
HOUSEBAND: Oh, yes, I'm rather parched myself. Oh, but before we go, there's a couple of people we'd like to thank in a unique manner.
WIFI: Oh, yes, if you've been watching a spectrogram while listening to this recording, this'll tickle your fancy.
HOUSEBAND: Yes! Okay, here we go!
[whistles]